A store that sells new husbands has opened in London Ontario ,where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward.. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak..

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.


PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

T he second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

The post below was written by Paul Henderson and here in Canada, I would substitute Democrats and Republicans with Conservatives and Liberals and New Democrats and Freedom Party and Green Party and Bloc Party  and Humtydiddledolittle Party.

Ty

 Daily I am bombarded with questions from agents and clients and it is always great to help with a solution or answer. There are times, however, when I have to shrug and say "I don't know".Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

 I know that pondering sometimes can lead to thoughts of curiosity and for those of you (young people under 50) wondering what pondering is about, think about it for awhile!

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

  Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

And for all my American friends my last question is:

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

 That's it for this week and if you want to know the why's of Real Estate, talk to a REALTOR, not your hairdresser or your friend Sue whose cousin lives besides someone whose brother in law knew of someone in Timbuctu who worked in a real estate office for 2 months

Here are some things not to say, or react to with your partner:

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 180 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies,  "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."

And Finally:

I tried to talk my sweetie into buying a case of beer for $42.25.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $47.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

From time to time there are questions to ponder and some to just put out there for others to get pondering about. So here goes:

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

If people evolved from apes,
why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what colour bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses
are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

So, happy pondering and watch for volume 4 and don't forget, if you are pondering about real estate, then I can help you.

Yes you read the title right, PETA (People for Ethical Treatment of Animals), made a complaint to the Ontario Natural Resourses Ministry that the 130 would be racing turtles in Ailsa Craig must be released before Ailsa Craig's36th Annual Gala Days and Turtle Races,

Ailsa Craig officials are going to rent pet store turtles for the event instead! Apparently turtles when they race get stressed and that seems to be a problem. Maybe if the purse (price) was larger they wouldn't be as stressed. Look at the Maple Leafs, they get paid millions and still lose and that doesn't seem to stress them out!

I know nothing about the physc of a turtle, but aren't they supposed to go slow? I see lots of slow moving people and they don't seem too stressed to me.

I have to confess that I may have to go into hiding, I swatted a mosquito yesterday and I hear PETA is looking for me. Have got to go now, going to buy a wig (man made), a mustache (natural fibre), sunglasses (oops, another offense) oh well, chain me, hang me but please do not take away my real estate license. Real Estate is something that I do know about!

Lately everywhere I turn I am seeing eco this, green that which I respect and in my own way , practice. I wonder however, what is the long term cost going to be with some of the plans that have been implemented?

A Futuristic Real Estate Office Listing Presentation practiced by I.M. Green, sales person and part time welfare recipient

"Good afternoon, Mr. & Mrs. Wanting, I am I.M. Green, I know, that's a mouthful, but really, you have got to trust me. I am I.M.Green. "

"Do you have the $5,000 cash I asked for? I should say green backs, ha, ha, ha! As I mentioned to you I practice a truly green and eco friendly way of selling your house. The $5,000 saves you writing a cheque, a listing agreement and all that other tree killing use of paper."

"Of course there will be no sign on your lawn, wood posts and plastic are bad for the environment, you know. Yes, I know it counts for 40% of sales, but we have to protect the environment."

"I did not do a Comparable Market Analysis (CMA), you know, all that paper, plus, my broker let all his staff go when he moved to his house. He is trying to save heat and hydro, bricks and mortar costs, you know? All that staff, all they did was answer the phones, do our offers, coordinate paperwork for lawyers, lenders, commission cheques, all that unfriendly environmental stuff, hence no CMA."

"I bet you think you want to sell your house for $250,000 is that right? Well, for the $5000 in greenbacks you gave me upfront I will sell it today for $200,000. That will be eco friendly because your neighbours will be green with envy that you sold your home so fast!"

"Just think, no wasteful energy spent on marketing, blogging, feature sheets, newspaper and magazine advertisements, no door knocking, no website presence, heck, we won't even have to put in on MLS." Can you imagine, that's what those successful and diligent sales people do, but they don't care about the environment like I do."

"Well Mr. & Mrs. Wanting, I'm going to sell your home right now. Actually, I have Mr. Shyster coming in 5 minutes to give you a cheque for $200,000 . I know what you are thinking, but they don't use cash on the island of Catchmeifyoucan and the cheque is from the Royal United Catchmeifyoucan National Bank"

"Why are you folks yelling at me and pointing a finger at me, I'm saving the envirinoment, I didn't let you folks get a word in edgeways but that's because I am I.M. Green, my name says it all and don't forget, Mr.Shyster is in his way!

PLEASE NOTE: If you smoke whacky stuff or drink amber lemonade this could happen to you. Not all REALTORS® if any at all act this way, but if so, another strike against the environment!

It was announced this week that Canada is proposing to sell our country's publicly owned nuclear agency or parts of.

As a Broker of Record and licensed in Ontario only to sell real estate, if you are looking to buy a nuclear plant, give me a call. I should point out, however, that I have no experience with nuclear energy sales, don't have a price yet or a signed listing agreement.

From pictures I know what a nuclear plant looks like so how difficult could it be? Please be aware that there are a few countries that I cannot sell to, check with your local spy agency for details. 

I have not been able to find any real estate training courses in the sale of nuclear energy or facilities so if it appears I have no idea what I am talking about, you are correct!

Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which you eat an Oreo can provide insights into your personality.

•·   The whole cookie at once - you're totally irresponsible.

•·   One bite at a time - you are "normal" but lack imagination.

•·   Slow and methodical nibbling - you are very meticulous.

•·   Fast nibbling - you get things done quickly.

•·   Dunked in liquid - you are upbeat and likeable.

•·   Eat the filling and then the cookie - you are a very curious person.

•·   Eat the filling and toss the cookie - you are greedy, especially in business.

•·   You don't have a favorite way to eat an Oreo - you are very fussy and hard to please.

If you don't eat cookies any more, good for you and shame on you as well! (I'm guilty!)

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?


How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?


Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

Again folks, ask me about real estate and I most likely can help you but with the above, I ponder and ponder and realize that life is very interesting!

A few years back some wines and bubbly in North America were restricted in using certain names on its labels.Now the European Union are negotiating with Canadian cheese producers or is it the other way around? Regardless, committees and time are being spent arguing(they call it negotiating, they should have a REALTOR® with them, that is what we do best, but I am digressing) about the names on cheese labels.

Parma is one and Camembert is another. For free, I offer the following name changes:

Blue Cheese: That coloured cheese with a strong smell.

Goats Cheese: 4 legged mound of something.

Cheese Slices: Orange Plastic

Cheesewiz: Cholesterol in a bottle:

Have to go now, going to have some Canadian Cheddar and a glass of a nice red Cabernet and if the cheese police want to find me, I'll be hiding in a vegan store.

The Canadian Government is scrapping the mandatory long-form census and coming up with a voluntary one.Most provinces are irate and even the head of Stats Canada has resigned over the decision. Now, I will admit it was time consuming filling out the forms but now, look out. in a few years I am not going to believe a thing from Stats Canada.

• How many cats live in your residence? 1
• How many televisions do you have? 14
• How many of you go to church on Sunday? All of us if my mother reads this!
• How many illegal immigrants live in your residence? 0
• What language do you speak at home? We don't swear!
• What is the annual household income? If Revenue Canada sees this it is $20,000, if not, we only work for cash!
• What denomination are you? We don't believe in whips and bondage!

So there you go, another FUBAR by our mandarins in Ottawa.

Did you know that we are programmed to resist change, even when it's in our best interest? Chip Heath, a Stanford business professor, an author of 2 great books "Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive And Others Die" and "Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard", covers change and why we resist change.He states that our analytical, rational side may say" I want a better beach body", but our emotional side says "I want the Oreo cookie".

So at work, we may want to change how we treat our customers and clients, but our emotional side is in love with the comfort of routine. Heath writes that we need to align those two conflicting sides of ourselves.How? You have to convince your emotional side of yourself  to go along with the change and not just motivate the rational, analytical side.

Real estate and practitioners of real estate face change daily and some let the change beat them up. How many have heard "I've done it this way for 10 years and that's the way it is."? "Farming doesn't work"? " "Why did they make those changes at Active Rain? I liked the old way" or my favorite "I hate this new system, new phone, new app, new boss, new headache".

I welcolme change because if I stop learning and growing, I die. I don't want that so bring it on, give me all the change you got, and by the way, how to sell your house is changing too.